“Commit your plans to the Lord and he will make you succeed.” – Proverbs
[this is a call]
I like having control over everything. When I am not in control, I get out of control. I don’t enjoy being stuck in traffic. I don’t like not knowing what’s next in life. I am a planner and I like routine. I recall when I first spoke to my pastor about God calling me to be a preacher and listening to his suggestions that I get into a good school and study theology.
Well, I wanted to get into school immediately but it took a few months. Even then I wanted to know “What’s next?” From my home study course to my undergraduate degree program to seminary. During seminary, the questions moved beyond schooling into how to get ordained as a pastor and the endless job search for a pastoral position in the local church began.
Every now and then I would go to my mail box to find another “Rejection Letter” from a church I applied for. For a long, long time, I have felt lost and confused. While I have discussed this before, I am going to re-share a story with you all; it is the encounter I had with Rod who asked me, “What are you doing now that requires faith?”
Near the end of that conversation, Rod encouraged me to write down the question to which I was seeking an answer to. I listened to his advice and asked God where he wanted me to be and where he wanted me to serve.
Over the course of ten days, I prayed and wrote ten simple prayers in a journal and each day, I felt God ask me a question. These are those questions…
What have i been preparing you for?
Why have I been preparing you?
Will your pursue me?
Why are you following me?
What are you willing to surrender?
Are you willing to let go of your past?
Will you give up your sins?
Will you give up your pain?
Will you give me room to speak?
Will you follow me?
[here i am, saying goodbye to myself]
Ever since I announced I was moving away, I’ve felt more unsure of the move. i’ve felt this way for one reason: FEAR! I am moving away without knowing the area at all, I have no idea where I am going to do for work and an income and I have no idea where I am going to stay.
That caused me to remain awake for many nights. I began to ponder all of the “what if” questions which came like a flood. I hated having to wrestle with my flesh. Then came the voices; the voices that drown out God’s voice.
What if I don’t make it?Where am I going to go?
What if I can’t find a job?
What if I go hungry?
What if my car breaks down?
God’s voice needs to be louder than everything else! I wanted to stay here, in Vermont but I know this- I am not being effective here and it’s not for a lack of trying. i’ve stepped out in obedience to God’s call.
I haven’t done as much as I wanted and I believe a lot of that is attributed to me being alone (without a wife and or someone to partner with). I don’t regret what hasn’t been accomplished either; I know God works all things together for the good. All things.
I pray for my area and I pray for the area I am moving to.
I still feel completely under qualified to do ANYTHING for God. That’s a good place to be though. God can do anything with anyone if they are willing to be used.
That said, I am moving to Texas. Whatever happens, to God be the glory!
dear God| written by mike monica