I’ll start off by saying that I had a rather difficult week. I had a high level of tension and confusion and frustration and worry go through my mind. It shows me that I still have a long way to go to where I should be and there is quite a distance between who I am and who I want to be.
I’m not going into details right now concerning anything I am facing but rather focusing on the mindset I have in dealing with these things. Character is often defined as who you are when no one else is around. So, if that saying is true, then my blog and specifically this blog is intended to expose my character.
So here it goes…
1. I am (insecure)
Without wearing a mask of any kind, I don’t feel like I have what it takes to do anything God has or perhaps will call me to do. I don’t feel equipped to accomplish anything he has set out for me. I know in Jeremiah, God tells that prophet that he was set apart and appointed as a prophet before his birth. Truth is everything God calls us to be and everything he calls us to do is accomplished before the foundations of the world, even the forgiveness of our sins was established and set in place. But often I wonder why am I called? I haven’t really accomplished anything great in my life so why not chose someone else?
2. I am (afraid)
Perhaps you can relate to this-I like my comfort zone, when I find it. I find myself getting into places and positions which are a bit uncomfortable for me at times. As an example, I worked for several years at a retail store. Truth-I hate retail! While I love electronic gadgets like my laptop, my Touchpad and those sorts of things, I hate being in stores more than I allow others to know. I don’t enjoy shopping like I once did and dealing with customers was never something I enjoyed.
I struggled for a long time with the thought of leaving. My one main concern was a steady but rather small paycheck. I got by alright but I couldn’t erase this idea that I would need to have a certain amount each week just to survive. Well, I left that job about 4 and half months ago to embark on a new journey, in a new job. My job is a constant challenge and it drives me crazy because I have to have an endless amount of patience.
While I am still rather new at my job, it took a lot out of me to leave my job. That goes for everything else in my life-churches, relationships, etc. If something is working for me, I go with it, even if it’s not the right thing.
3. I am (broken)
My life is a mess a lot of the times. It’s not simply that I feel like a failure but I have actually failed at something’s in my life. More often than not, I feel like I have let so many people down and have done so many things wrong in my life that it is a foreign concept to allow anyone to even speak into my life. When someone does speak into my life, it is not often that I am willing to accept what they say. It doesn’t matter if it’s a form of encouragement because I am so fond of discouragement.
The bottom line is this…Christ isn’t always enough for me.
There are always two sides to every story. I have found that there are people who will speak for you and encourage you with a heart of uplifting you to be who you are called to be and there are those who speak against you. The question isn’t who is speaking into my life and who is speaking against me but rather the question is, who are you listening to?
A perspective on listening to God, even when we cannot hear him… (From Matthew 11:1-11)
John the Baptist had a rather unique ministry. There was a time when he noticed Jesus standing nearby and he said to those close to him, “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.” This was of course during the highlight of John’s ministry. He was living out his calling which was to prepare the way for the Lord.
A good amount of time passes and John finds himself, alone in a prison cell. John would remain there until his death. Yet, it was during this time that John asked his followers to inquire about Jesus to ask if he was the Messiah or if they should expect someone else.
The reality is that, in the midst of loneliness and exclusion, John began to doubt. John no longer had the burning knowledge that spoke out in boldness, “Behold the Lamb of God…” Rather, John was asking, “Are you the one?” John’s ministry had come to a close and he pondered his place in God’s plan.
When the followers of John asked Jesus the question they were asks of him, Jesus tells them to return and tell him that the good news is being preached. In essence, Jesus didn’t actually answer the question but rather said, “The message that John was sharing is still being delivered.” Then Jesus does something radical-after the disciples of John leave, Jesus encourages John with a message that John never heard.
Sometimes, God speaks into our lives without allowing us to hear the message of encouragement because it isn’t the encouragement we are to have faith in, but rather the person of Christ we are to have faith in. We are not called to follow the message, but rather we are called to follow Christ.
Christ must be enough for us.
My hope and prayer is that I become more transformed into the likeness of Christ. Pray for me as I struggle and I continue to uncover the reality that I am not perfect. Pray for me to grow in wisdom, to grow in grace and to allow Christ to be all in my life.